for all intents & purposes, i should be happy. but i walk around with chains on my feet. let me tell you about this feeling: the moment you open your eyes you wish that the day was already over. your bones are tired, your hands, shaking. everything should be in place, when i think about it. there are people in harder spots, who manage to be happier than i ever could.
i know this sadness is a sadness that is always there, one that i take with me until the last sleep, but it never helps that it’s always around the corner. these days, everything is changing faster. i dip into this cold pool more often than i’d care to. & sometimes, one thinks: what would make everything easier? what sandbags does one have to knife off?
someday you’ll say, that you’re happy;